T.I. Came to My Church Sunday

Anyone who knows me knows the fact that T.I. was coming to Easter worship service was a big deal to me. I've been a fan of this man since he was running around talking about "I'm Serious" and everyone was questioning why this arrogant negro was disrespecting the South by crowning himself Da King. I mean seriously, if Jesus would've called and said, "Kia, I'm not going to be able to show up at service today" my butt probably would've said, "I understand, Lord, but do you mind if I go and see T.I." LOL, God knows my heart.

Once I got wind of the fact that he would be showing up, I emailed my peeps to let them know what was going on. My girl, Erika, came through with the witty comment like always. "Please remember to focus on the word and not scope out all three services trying to identify the man's police detail." Lucky for me, we only had one service since we were able to worship in the Georgia Dome, and I didn't need to scope out his police detail because one of the ministers from the church introduced him and handed him the mic.

As I stood, along with the rest of the congregation and clapped, and my son, Cameron, annoyingly rolled his eyes with frustration, I was really anticipating what Tip would say from the pulpit. As he began to speak, I realize why I admire this man so much: his SWAGGER!!!

In my opinion, T.I. has the perfect mixture of confidence and humbleness. This man knows who he is, he knows that he's good and what he does, and he demands that you respect him for that. At the same time, he knows that his life could've been drastically different, and he didn't have to be given the opportunity to become T.I. So he's humbled by the accolades he receives. As he stood among the 30,000 church folk in the Dome, his awesome combination of confidence and humbleness—his swagger—shined like never before.

We all know church folks can be a little (dare I say it) judgmental, and T.I.'s troubles have definitely not been private. Had I been enduring what he's been through the past couple of months, I would have been weary of walking in the church, let alone taking the mic and speaking. But my man Tip didn't miss a beat. He walked up, took the mic, and started spitting his urban wisdom with complete confidence.

We had been doing a lot of HIV/AIDS outreach throughout the city, so after acknowledging Jesus and the occasion, he took the opportunity to speak to the young 'uns about sex and HIV. He told them they should do it God's way and practice abstinent. He also recognized that all of them would not be waiting until they said I do's, so he encouraged them to protect themselves. He pointed out that just because shawty looks good and doesn't look like he/she has anything doesn't mean they're clean, and he encouraged them to ask themselves one question before they settled on judging a book by its cover: "Would you bet your life on it? Because that's exactly what you're doing."

Before he left the stage he said (and I'm quoting from memory so it will not be exact), "I know a lot of yall would like to hear me talk about something else (the congregation laughs), but I'm not going to do that today. Just know that He (points to the sky) gots me so I'm going to be alright." A little later he stated that he had asked God for forgiveness for the same thing so many times, yet God always had his back.

As he sat down, I thought, Wow, this man is amazing. He has a public mess going, yet he steps in front of what could possibly be the most judgmental crowd ever and uplift others while acknowledging his own shortcomings and drama.

What's really ironic is about three days later, I spoke with a friend who confided in me their fears of walking in a church after years of being absent. That got me thinking, how many people are going through hard times and truly need God and the ministry of the church, yet they refuse to do so for fear of judgment? It's unfortunate that this would ever be an issue. Ideally, the church is supposed to be open for hurting, broken, scared, and confused individuals. However, churchgoers have become so self-righteous and caught up in their "good deeds" that they harshly judge those who are truly looking to have an experience with God.

Today, I want to challenge those on both sides of this issue to step up. For those who haven't been to church in awhile or are going through public trials, don't be afraid to boldly walk into God's house. I'll be the first to say, I love my God, but some of His people are jacked up. Ignore them. The real saints of God understand your struggle and pain because they've had their own share of troubles. They will be there to help you walk it out. They understand that but by the grace of God, there goes I, so they won't judge you; they'll just help you walk it out. Nothing you do is too big, bad, or wrong that the Blood of Jesus can cover and deliver you from and through, and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar.

Church folk, get your mind right, and remember, but by the grace of God there goes I. It could have been you and would've been you if God had not covered you. Even on your best day you are not fit to go before the throne of God if it were not for the Blood of Jesus. Why don't you try to spend more time helping someone discover who God is instead of mounting evidence as to why they are not fit for God's house. satan is the accuser of the brethren. So I ask you, whose work are you really doing? And if the devil isn't chasing you, you're probably working on his team, so your issues are deeper than those that you are judging.

Love by Definition

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, everyone!!!

I know all of you love bugs are excited about the opportunity to show that special someone exactly how much you love them. However, have you ever questioned if you truly love them by God's definition?

We tend to throw the word love around very causally. By this world's definition, love is an emotion. It's a feeling that can change from minute to minute or moment to moment. It's that goo-goo gaa-gaa feeling you get when you see that person. It's the butterflies in your stomach, the constant thoughts, and the big cheesy smiles exchanged.

By the Bible's definition, love is completely different. Paul defines love in 1 Corinthians 13. And by the Bible's definition, it's made clear that love is a decision, not an emotion, and the decision to love has to be made in both good times and bad times.

Let's break down the attributes of love by biblical standards.

1. Love is patience/suffers long—We tend to think that we can only love when it feels good. But true love is proven in the difficult times—when you can hurt and still show love. When you can patiently wait, while you are suffering, for God to work out your loved one's issue.
   

   
    

2. Love is kind. It does not envy, boast, and is not proud—Love is not mean, jealous and prideful. These ideas of "he does it because he loves me" or "her jealously just shows that she cares" are absurd. That's insecurity and not love. Love is humble, caring, and kind.
   

   
    

3. Love is not rude, self-seeking, easily angered, and keeps no record of wrong—When you love someone, you lose any attitude you may desire to have towards them, and your main concern is for their feelings and well-being and not your own. I once heard a minister say, "Love asks what can I do for you, while lust ask what can you do for me." Which question are you asking? And more importantly, which question is your partner asking? In addition, you don't become angry easily when you truly love someone, and you don't keep a list of everything your loved one has done wrong when true love is in play.
   

   
    

4. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth—If your loved one is manipulating, lying, or abusing his or her place in your life, that's not love, and you shouldn't settle for it. True love is built on honesty and the truth, not little white lies that "really don't matter that much."
   

   
    

5. Love always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.—Self-explanatory, huh?
   

   
    

Love by the Bibles definition isn't easy. It may even cause you to hurt and suffer long at times. That's why it's important that you guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23). I am a firm believer in praying about a person before you open your heart to them. That way when you decide to love them, you know it is a person God has sent to be loved by you.

I've also learned a number of other love lessons over the years.

• If you don't know how to be alone, you will never know how to have a productive relationship. There's nothing attractive about being dependent on another person for happiness.
  
• Deal with your insecurities before you enter a relationship. I have a friend who repeatedly picks girls who appear to have it all together, but behind the scenes, they are a mess. I always wondered why he did this, and then I realized he is very insecure. Strong women who truly have it all together intimidate him. In the end, I feel sorry for him. He comes from a family of strong, got-it-together women, and he's truly attracted to them, so he's never going to be happy as long as he's settling for less that he desires or deserves.
  
• Women you can't be so strong that you make a man feel less than a man. It's not about playing blonde. You just have to allow your man to do things for you so he feels needed.
  
• Sex is not the most important attribute in a relationship. If you pick sex, over everything else, you're truly and idiot and don't deserve to be happy, lol. The best sex comes with intimacy, but sex does not create intimacy. Learn the difference and abide accordingly.
  
• The foundation of a long lasting relationship is always friendship. ALWAYS!!!
  
• To be productive, love must be a two-way street. If one walks down a one-way street, heart wrenching pain is sure to follow.
  
• Relationships of convenience are a waste of time. They may feel good temporarily, but in the end they add nothing to your life. Avoid them. Check out what Chris Tucker said about them here: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog&friendID=51056250
  
  
• Causal dating is for causal people, and I'm not causal. Prove to me that knowing you is going to be beneficial to the person I am becoming. If you can't, please don't waste my time. I'm waiting on God to give me the go-ahead, and I'm content with doing so.
  

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

We Win!!!

I love my girls, but sometimes I think we are the biggest group of nerds ever. I mean, we sit around and talk about politics, the environment, religion, education, and the problems in society like most people talk about movies and music. I mean seriously. I'm not sure if it's because we're old (is 26 really old???) or because of the schools we went to, but 95% of our conversations get super intellectual.

Yesterday I was having one of those conversations with my old roommate, and we started discussing the fact that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved the sale of meat that comes from the offsprings of cloned animals, and they are not requiring these foods to be labeled (yeah, I would start writing my U.S. representatives now). The discussion then went to the rate science and society grow and develop. By the end of the conversation, I told my friend, "See, stuff like this makes me not want to have kids."

She replied, "But isn't that the unchristian thing to do?" She went on to talk about how we have to be the standard for society, etc.

"Yes, you're right," I said. "It's just I don't mind standing on faith and fighting these battles, but as a mother, I don't want my kids and grandkids to have to deal with these issues."

After we ended our conversation, I continued to ponder the subject. I love kids, and I want to have a lot of them—five to be exact (too many?). But I will do anything not to see them suffer or have to fight. Then the lyrics of an Israel & Newbreed song we sang at church came to mind: "We are victorious, we are victorious, we are, we are." (I can hear Ms. Latoya sang it now, lol).

I once heard a minister say, "The beautiful thing about the Bible is that it shows us at the end, WE WIN!!!"

Life is going to have its hard times, and it's easy to be bogged down with the troubles we encounter. However, at the end of the day, we must remember WE WIN!!! Rather it's money troubles, relationship problems, family problems, or facing the devil face-to-face, WE WIN!!!

God's word says that the righteous are never forsaken, and at that moment yesterday, I knew God was showing me the importance of instilling these principles in my kids and grandkids, so they will not cave. They have to be empowered to stand and fight God's battles like we are. If we succeed but don't pass the principles and knowledge down to the following generations, we've failed. (That's what happened after the civil rights movement, but that's another story).

As I end today, remember, no matter what you're going through or how bad life or this world gets, YOU WIN!!!

Scripture References:

--I have been young, and now am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his descendants begging bread (Psalm 37:25, NKJV).

--And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified (Romans 8:28-30, NKJV).

 

BTW, yesterday my son prayed for our family before bedtime. He prayed that our family continues to get stronger and stronger from one generation to the next. Coincidence??? I think not.

We are the Champions and It Speaks Volumes: What Obama’s Victory Means to America

Barack Obama has just made, what I would say is, the most important speech of his life—his Iowa Caucus victory speech. And HE KILLED IT!!!

 

This speech was inspirational and moving, similar to the one he made at the 2004 Democratic National Convention. He laid out why you should elect him the next president. He didn't speak against anyone or anything. He didn't try to convenience you that Democratic was the way to go.

 

According to Obama, he should be elected President of the United States of America because he stands for what is best for ALL Americans—Democrats, Republicans, and Independents…upper, middle, and lower class. Obama is not running on a campaign of fear. He is running a campaign of unification.

 

Barack's victory in Iowa is monumental on numerous front:

 

1. A black (technically bi-racial) man won a majority of votes in a state with an African-American population of 2.3%. This has to have all those black people in South Carolina who said white people wouldn't vote for a black man second guessing themselves.
   

   
    

2. During a time when the average American approaches anything Islamic with much caution, a Christian man named Barack Hussein Obama won a majority of the vote in the heart of America.
   

   
    

3. Obama started his campaign refusing to take money for special interest group, lobbyist, and all those other groups who are presently running and buying Washington. Obama has been able to compete national with money from average old Americans like me—a single, self-employed mom whose give 3 times to his campaign. (I even gave to Obama before I gave to Spelman, my alma mater, but don't tell Spelman that, LOL). If you really want to see this man win, write a check today PLEASE!!!!
   

   
    

4. Character, principle and authenticity matter to the American people. We want a leader we can trust.
   

   
    

5. People are inspired. People have hope. This is our time—the average American's time—to take back our government. A government that was created by the people for the people, but somehow lost that purpose. This is our opportunity. Let's grab hold of it.
   

   
    

I am super excited about this win--not surprised because I knew it was coming. Let's ride this wave all the way to the White House!!! Let's right checks, rally troops, make phone calls, send emails, post on myspace, facebook and youtube, and pray. Pray for wisdom for Obama's campaign staff. Let's pray for favor on Obama's entire campaign. And let's pray that God continues to anoint Obama's tongue so that he says the right thing at the right time in the right way. And who said praying Christians only voted for conservative, right-winged Republicans.

 

God bless and don't forget to BaRack the Vote!!!

Understanding Christmas

This Christmas has been a difficult one for me. I remember around Thanksgiving I told my mentee, I hated the Christmas season. Not because I hate Christmas, but because I truly despise everything Christmas has become in our society.

    At that time when I thought of Christmas, the image of people knocking each other over and physically fighting for the hottest gift of the season and amounting an excessive amount of credit card debit came to mind. I hate the commercialization of Christmas that has occurred; therefore, I simply made a decision not to participate in it.

    In all honesty, I didn't have money to splurge on gifts for everyone either, especially people who wouldn't appreciate or felt as if I had to give them a gift. And pulling out the credit cards to do so was not even an option in my playbook…but then there was Cameron.

    I remember my Christmases as a kid, and they were nothing less than magical. I remember the Christmas of 1988 in particular. On this particular Christmas, my sister and I got up at 5:30 am to a living room that resembled Toys 'R Us. We had everything from the newest Barbie and her car to baby strollers, high chairs, and chalk boards. It was such a beautiful day.

    I loved the way I felt on that Christmas and every other Christmas in my life. I firmly believe that every child deserves to feel the Christmas magic that I am so familiar with. Let's be real, kids' lives have gotten much more complicated than mine was in 1988. Most of them are unfortunately dealing with adult problems. Don't they deserve a day to escape the reality of their situation and just enjoy, and even indulge in, the magic of Christmas?

    That's what I want for every kid. However, my son is a little different. This kid has absolutely everything a child could want and/or imagine. This is a kid who can walk through the mall, see a Wii, make a phone call, and have the money for it in 10 minutes. The logic behind it: he's a good kid; he did good in school; get him the Wii.

Because he has so much stuff the logic in me tells me he doesn't need another thing for Christmas. However, the emotion in me wants to see his face light up when he sees my den running over with toys and looking like a local toy store.

And in the midst of balancing my logic and emotionalism, I really have to stay focused on the true meaning of Christmas—Jesus Christ!!! I know that's not popular to say these days, but in trying to balance the commercialism of the season, have we really forgotten that the whole holiday is about Him choosing to give His life for us?

So in the midst of my internal battle this Christmas, I've been keeping my son focused on the fact that as cliché as it may be, Jesus is the real reason for the season. We've read the Christmas story in a couple different books in the Bible, and we've talked about the importance of giving to others during the Christmas season. I even took it a step further this year and begin to discuss with him why Jesus' birth is so important.

Jesus came to the earth for one purpose: to die for you. Yes, if you had been the only person on the earth, Jesus still would've left His father's side, entered into the earthly realm, suffered the criticism of the church, and died the horrendous death of the cross just for you. As important Jesus dying for all of humanity is, it's just important for each of us to understand he did it for us individually.

The story of Jesus' birth and death are in fact one. It is only because He came, lived, died, and rose again that we have the ability to talk to our heavenly Father through prayer. Without the blood of Jesus, we're not even worthy to come before God in prayer—and can you imagine a life without prayer? I know I can't. In addition, it would be impossible for us to enter eternal peace in heaven without Jesus. It is His blood that cleanses us from our sins and enables us to walk through the pearly gates.

I'm sure Cameron didn't completely understand the concept of Jesus' birth, but I'm positive he received a greater understanding, and I'm sure that he realizes Christmas is about more than Santa Clause. He actually gave Jesus a big Happy Birthday today without having to be reminded or briefed. That made me smile. That made me pleased.

This parenting thing is difficult, but at the end of the day, I think I came up with a pretty good solution. Before Christmas, Cameron pulled toys to give away to less fortunate children. For Christmas he received a nice portion of the things he wanted, but nothing excessive, and most importantly he learned something new about Jesus, and he understands that Jesus expects a gift on his birthday as well.

Life is Like Math

Life is a lot like math…as long as you know the principle and equations, you can solve the problem—no matter how complicated it appears to be.

I got into a slight altercation with a friend this weekend because I criticized someone's actions regarding their marriage. I'm not sure if she felt I was trying to be a "know-it-all" or if she just found me unqualified to make the statement since I'm not married, but the conversation ended with her saying, "What do you know? Where's your husband?"

That was suppose to go for the jugular, but at some point the truth stops hurting, so I just laughed it off. However, the whole incident did get me to thinking. Did my lack of marital experience real disqualify me from giving sound marital advice?

I've always been taught that you should act like where you want to be because ultimately you attract what you put out. (On the real, do you want to see how you appear to other people? Look at your circle of friends. That's what people think of you—good, bad, or ugly). Based on this teaching, when I decided I wanted to get married, I went to my guidebook for life (the Bible) and began studying the principles it laid out for marriage. Thus every belief and idea I have on marriage is based on what the Bible says it should be.

I say all of this to say, as great as practical experience may be, having the right answers isn't the key to life if you don't know how to do the work to solve the problem. You know you heard that in math classes. High level math books always have the answers in the back of the book, but writing those answers never guarantee you an A in the class. You have to prove that you have a comprehension of the principles behind the problem.

I'm confident that I can handle any situation life throws at me. Not because I have previous experience in every particular situation, but because I have an understanding of God's principles of life. Whatever problem that comes up in my life, I simply pull out my guidebook, apply the correct principle, and solve the problem accordingly. Sounds pretty simple, right?

So the next time you ask me for advice, please don't think I'm trying to be a "know-it-all" or even Dr. Phil. I'm not. I'm simply sharing with you the principles of God that I live by. They work for me, and they've work for millions before me, so I'm sure they will work for you if you work them.

Today's Tips

• You want to go to a different place in life or take on a different role? Learn God's principles for that position. God lays out principles for every imaginable situation in the Bible. It's just up to you to read and learn the principles.
  


• While the Bible should be your foundation for learning life's principles, don't be afraid to pick up other materials—just make sure is doesn't contradict God's Word. God's Word and principles are true and should not be supplemented with contradictory materials. For example, the Bible states that we should all be honest in our business dealings, so if another resources states that business men may have to bend the truth in business dealings, you should immediately reject that work because it contradicts what God has said about the issue.
  


• Take the time to read and learn God's principles. I feel prepared for life because every day I read God's Word and study more principles. Therefore, I know how to handle life when it comes at me. Trust me, when I don't indulge in the Word before life grabs a hold of me, I feel like crap, and the results are usually crap as well.
  


• As you prepare to vote in the upcoming election, ask yourself, "Who is principled enough to make the right decision in every situation?"
  

Look Past Your Emotions & Stay Focused

Emotions are a mug. And if you're not very careful, they will rule your every move before you know it. There was a time when my emotions were in complete control of me. I was going through serious relationship drama, and I was HURTING—not just hurting, but HURTING…that Mary J. Blige "I'm Going Down" type HURTING!!!

During this time, I had come to know God's plans for my life, and every bone in my body desired accomplish His plans. Unfortunately, the HURTING that I was doing seemed to trump my desire to accomplish God's plans for me. It wasn't my lack of desire that was the problem. It was my lack of control over my emotions. See, it's hard to do anything productive when you are crying 23 hours a day and your eyes are red and nearly swollen shut. It's also difficult to be productive when you are thinking of all the ways you could ruin someone's existence if you were really "that type of girl." And while I didn't want to be consumed by my HURT and anger, I didn't know how to control these emotions so I could stay focused.

I remember I used pray, "God, I promise I'll do your will, but just fix this situation, so I can focus on what You want me to do." Every day, I cried and prayed this prayer, and every day my situation and problems stayed the same (or got worse). For awhile I was confused. Did God not hear my prayers?

I soon came to learn that it wasn't that God didn't hear my prayers. He had heard me the first time I prayed. But God was trying to teach me a lesson. God wanted me to learn to focus through my emotions. The Bible makes it clear in Psalm 34:19 that "many are the afflictions of the righteous," but if you don't stress and trust God "the Lord will deliver [you] out of them all."

Looking back, I understand that my relationship snafu wasn't all that serious. But the enemy had created the drama to distract me. At that point in my life, the enemy knew if he sent a little man drama, I would be too caught up to work on growing my business. I would be too preoccupied to spend time learning God's Word. I would be too worried to spend time in prayer. And with all of this "unfocusness," I could never reach the place God had promised me.

One of my spiritual mentors brought greater understanding last week. The enemy is attacking the body of Christ with spiritual ADD. satan (I refuse to ever capitalize his name even if it does come at the beginning of a sentence. he just doesn't deserve that much recognition ;-)) knows just what to do to cause us to lose focus on God and His plan for our lives. The enemy throws our emotions so out of whack that we feel like we can't control them. Fortunately, I've learned as bad as it hurts, as angry as you become, and as depressed as you feel, you must not let those feelings come between you and your God-given destiny. You must be able to stay focused.

To the surprise of many, focus is not dependent upon your feelings. Focus is a decision you make, despite how you feel, to accomplish a task. Focus means you work when you don't feel like it, you pray when your sleepy, you read the Bible when you just want to get in the bed, you sing praises when you feel your world is ending, and you cry when you have time.

True, it's good to get your emotions out, but it's only good when you do it at the right time. Put your emotions on a schedule. Don't allow your emotional breakdowns to stop you from working, paying your bills, praising God, and walking out your destiny. Work during the day and cry out night. Stay focused, despite how you feel, to ensure you reach your God-given destiny. I know I am.