The fact that I feel all alone has really been bothering me lately. I know I've spoken before of feeling like my friends and people just don't understand me, but this has been a different type of alone. I really can't say that my hell (my troubles in life) has gotten worse, but they feel different. It feels like I'm running a marathon. You know when you only have five minutes left, but every bone in your body is telling you to stop now. I feel like I'm at the end of hell. I can see the finish line and my promise, but my energy is faltering to the point that I'm wondering if I will even make it to the finish line.
As I struggled with finding the strength to make it to my finish line, a scripture came to mind:
""Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them."
--Matthew 20:18-20
That was my key. All I needed to do was find someone to come into agreement with me, and then I would be sure to reach the finish line (and my promise). Once I found a prayer partner, everything would be tied up neatly with a bow. Unfortunately, finding a prayer partner wasn't that easy of a task.
I know and respect some true cover my family with the Blood, snot flying, crying, praying women. But I don't know any of them well enough to call them up and ask them to pray for me, and I truly didn't feel comfortable revealing the most inner secrets of my soul to them. So they were out of the picture.
Next, I went down the list of my "close" friends. Now, don't get me wrong, I love each and every one of my peeps. They each serve their purpose, and my life would be void without them. I just don't see any of them as my prayer partners. As "close" as we are, they really don't know ANYTHING about the journey God's been taking me on for the past four years, so how could I get them to agree with God's will for my life. I've tried to explain my situation to them before, but it either went over their heads or they tried to discourage me from doing what I know God told me to do. At first my feelings were hurt, but then I became grateful. God gave me a whole 'nother revelation of who the enemy (devil) was through these situations. Jesus' telling Peter to "get behind me satan" (Matthew 16:23 and Mark 8:33) made so much more sense. The devil can use your friends, who usually have the best intentions, to detour you from your destiny. Some of you need to check your friends because satan is running all up and through them to mess you up, but that's another story.
Back to the subject at hand, once my folks were out of the picture, I was left with my son. Now, he's absolutely amazing. At the age of seven, he has a wonderful understanding of God and who He is in our daily lives. I'm so proud of him. He was amazing for the first week and a half, but then he got mad at me, said I didn't like him, and refused to pray with me. LOL, you gotta know (and love) my kid. As great of a prayer partner my kid was, it had been determined that he wasn't dependable. But would any pray partner be completely dependable? Could I count on anyone to be there for me all the time?
The answer to that question was a definite no. Sometimes in life you're just going to be alone—even when you're in a crowded room. I learned that the day before my kid resigned from praying with me. I was in church, a church with about 7,000 other people, when my pastor told us to get a partner. Why did everyone in around me have a partner but me? I felt so odd. I mean, how can I come to church and still not find a partner to believe with me. If I was crazy, I would think God didn't want me to touch and agree and get my promise.
For awhile, I would find Christian and gospel songs that spoke to my situation to pray with. They would be the partner that would ensure Jesus was in my midst. And that worked great. But as I took a mentorship course, I got a greater understanding of what was going on. The minister talked about Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-46). Jesus was facing His biggest trial (the cross), and He picked His closets and most spiritually mature friends to go to Gethsemane and pray with Him. For some reason the disciples just couldn't do it. They kept falling asleep.
As my teacher told this story, it clicked in my mind. I'M LIKE JESUS!!! I thought. No not in the sinless, perfect way, but in the fact that Jesus couldn't find anyone to pray with Him and neither could I. Jesus made it through His trials with only His prayers, so I could too. Jesus received His reward without prayer partners, so I could too.
As I grabbed a hold of the fact that I was in good company, my teacher gave a deeper explanation for my inability to find partnership at this point in my life. "You can't find anyone to pray with you because the level you're about to go [to] is not their grade," she stated. "They can't sustain your level of intercession. Your friends can't sustain in this level."
Good, bad, happy, or sad, my people aren't where I am right now. I don't say that to be arrogant. I believe everyone is where they work to be, and I've sacrificed and paid tremendous cost to have the relationship that I presently have with God. And the reality of the situation is they just aren't with me so they can't help me. I mean what kind of sense would it make for a 12th grader to ask for help on calculus from your average 5th grade. NONE!!! So why would I look to people who aren't working to get to where I am spiritually to help me stand on the things of God.
In reality, this situation wasn't about my friends or about me finding a suitable prayer partner. It was about God telling me, "You're going to get through this with Me and Me alone. For I will never leave you or forsake you."
Verse of the Day: "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." –Hebrews 13:5
Song of the Day: "On the Other Side of Through" by James Bignon
Lessons Learned: 1) Everyone, no matter how good they are or how much you love them, can't go with you. You have to leave some people behind or they're going to stop you from reaching your goal.
2) No matter how alone you may feel, God is ALWAYS there. Lucky for you, He's all you need to make it through your trial and to get to your promise.
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